would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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