You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
