saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
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and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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