lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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