i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I take back everything I said about communal showers
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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