I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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