Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
