I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
