hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
