I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize