i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
