Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
