it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
