i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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