never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are all done wearing pants today
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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