Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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