You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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