2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
