I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
