It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
