oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
