My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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