my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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