if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
