My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
