fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize