I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
