Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
