they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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