i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
