my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
