All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
