Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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