I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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