she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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