mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
