i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
