I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
