I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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