Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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