Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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