i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Randomize
