i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
