i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
