The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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