So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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