I hate all girls vehemently.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's official drugs can't kill me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
