Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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