I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
