'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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