Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
