I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
