So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
