Apparently you make a good broom.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
