never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
