Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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