He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
