Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
