Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's just so happy...and so naked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
