Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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