I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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