my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
