there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
