if only i could text you this smell
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
