I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
