I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Panties = found
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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