Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
