im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
