im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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