Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
